life

its been a hard few weeks for me. i have had to do a lot of thinking. I'm 37 years old and i would love to have one more child of my own...... well my family is worried that if i try to have another one that something might happen to me, and the baby. i really want a girl but there is a 50/50 chance on that i could have another boy. don't get me wrong i would love them just the same but to have a little girl from birth on would be great. so I'm going to have to put what i want to the side and do the right thing and not have anymore kids this is one of the hardest things I'm doing right now. i feel I'm losing the little girl i have wanted for so long but my family means a lot to me. i have learned that family comes first in every way.

i told u in my last blog that i have 6 kids my oldest is going to be 18 soon and when i meet my hb he wanted to stay with my mom because he did not like him so i let him go and now i feel really bad about doing that i miss him so much. we had 15 years just the two of us and now hes not here at times i feel lost with out him but i do have other kids here who love me and need me as well but its still hard not having him here. i got to see him today and it made me see how much i really do miss him. he looks so much like his dad. we lost his dad when he was 4 years old so he has only had me and my mom and dad in his life so its hard for him to have to share me with other kids. so i do understand how he feels. hes was a mamas boy for so long. but i have alot oflove to give them all not a lot of have that in there lifes right now.

me

my family is one that i thought i would never be in but i love it. I'm the first of three and i love them all. my sisters are j-ann and b. we have 6 great kids well i think they are. my store started over three years ago i meet my hb on line when i out on a date with him and he was so sweet i did not want to leave him. he had a little girl and i had a boy. he was married to his ex and i still wanted to be with him. we dated for a short time when i found out that i was going to be having his child. i was happy. we moved in together and i had my son. we started talking to b and she came up and moved in we did have our ups and downs with her but i love her all the same. she found out she was going to be a mom we all were happy and a short time after that i found out i was as well. we both had boys. than my hb started talking to another lady and in my heart i did not feel she was right for our family but my hb thought she was. that's when j-ann came into our life the first time i talked to her i was sure she was the one for our family. i had told my hb that he was only going to have the two of us but she fit right in. she has a little girl. so now i have two girls and four boys. i love them all. we moved from a small two bedroom to a five bedroom house. we have more room to move but like any family we have our days.

i told some of my family about my life and i got both sides my mom was hurt and upset my dad said as long as i was happy he was. others think its cool. my best friend said she happy to see me happy. its nice to be happy. i always wanted a big family and I'm getting older and cant have a lot more kids but this way i still get to have babies around for sometime. this life is not for everyone it can be really hard at time but we do have a lot of fun as well and that's what i like most. there will be more to come about my life and family in the days to come.