life

its been a hard few weeks for me. i have had to do a lot of thinking. I'm 37 years old and i would love to have one more child of my own...... well my family is worried that if i try to have another one that something might happen to me, and the baby. i really want a girl but there is a 50/50 chance on that i could have another boy. don't get me wrong i would love them just the same but to have a little girl from birth on would be great. so I'm going to have to put what i want to the side and do the right thing and not have anymore kids this is one of the hardest things I'm doing right now. i feel I'm losing the little girl i have wanted for so long but my family means a lot to me. i have learned that family comes first in every way.

i told u in my last blog that i have 6 kids my oldest is going to be 18 soon and when i meet my hb he wanted to stay with my mom because he did not like him so i let him go and now i feel really bad about doing that i miss him so much. we had 15 years just the two of us and now hes not here at times i feel lost with out him but i do have other kids here who love me and need me as well but its still hard not having him here. i got to see him today and it made me see how much i really do miss him. he looks so much like his dad. we lost his dad when he was 4 years old so he has only had me and my mom and dad in his life so its hard for him to have to share me with other kids. so i do understand how he feels. hes was a mamas boy for so long. but i have alot oflove to give them all not a lot of have that in there lifes right now.